


Let's Storm These City Gates

by CyanideSuicide



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: BL/ind., Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, Fighting, Gen, M/M, Making Out, On the Run, Shooting, Swearing, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyanideSuicide/pseuds/CyanideSuicide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DANGER DAYS ERA.<br/>Following the takeover by BL/ind., ruled by Korse, with the new laws banning music, art, and basically creativity and individuality as a whole - the MCR boys have donned their latest personas in order to fight the exterminators and dracs who are supporting this tyranny.</p><p>They have been on the run for 7 years now, and had to leave their families behind for their safety. Will they be able to locate them again? Can they find other killjoys to fight their cause? Will BL/ind. ever be stopped?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hideout

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,  
> I had originally posted this fic on ficwad between 2012-2014, but never got around to actually finishing it. As that site doesn't really get any traffic anymore, and I've begun writing some new chapters, I thought I'd edit it and start posting on here!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! This chapter is a sort of prolouge to show what kind of lives they are leading before I introduce any new characters/main plotlines.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Cyanide'xo

“Oi! Fun Ghoul!”  
I opened my eyes groggily to see Mikey, or Kobra Kid as we now had to call him, leaning over me.  
“Go away…” I muttered, slapping him away sleepily.  
“No, Poison says get up. Now! We’re moving on today.”  
I sat up quickly and started to grab all of my stuff, which consisted of a couple of blankets, my ray gun, and sunglasses. It was hard to have belongings when on the run. We had to keep moving, keep running, if we didn’t want Dracs finding us.  
Kobra went back outside, leaving me to get everything together. We had crashed in an abandoned warehouse for a few days. It wasn’t exactly luxury, but it gave us shelter from the sun, and a hiding place from anyone looking for us.  
I went outside, squinting in the intense sunlight. I walked to our car and threw the blankets inside before putting my sunglasses on and walking to the front of the car where the others were standing, talking about a map they’d laid out on the car’s bonnet.

“Where’re we headed, Poison?” I asked, interrupting.  
Jet Star answered for him, “Well, this smartass wants to go into zone 5. Or maybe zone 4. It’s a suicide mission, why would we go closer to the Dracs?”  
“But there’s more food there! When was the last time you ate a proper meal? And we need new batteries. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have enough that my gun won’t go dead if we happen to run into any Dracs…” Poison argued back.  
Jet star opened his mouth to say more, but you couldn’t argue with that. It had been days since we’d had any proper food, and my stomach rumbled loudly.  
Poison ruffled my hair, “See? Fun Ghoul agrees. Let’s go!”  
We all jumped in the car, Jet Star and I in the back, guns at the ready, just in case we ran into any trouble.

We drove a short way before Kobra started fiddling with the radio.  
“This is Dr D.” The radio crackled, “Reminding all you killjoys out there to stay safe. Keep your guns close, Korse has sent out a whole wave of exterminators.”  
We always listened to Dr Death Defying’s updates; he’d saved us more than once over the years. We had two-way radios, and he sometimes contacted us through our frequency with his own radio. I’d always thought it would be better for us to go and join forces with him, find more of us to fight against BL/ind. But it wasn’t a good idea to give out locations on a radio signal. If Dr D could listen in to our signal, so could Dracs.  
I laughed. Korse could send out all the exterminators he wanted. We had no plans on being caught anytime soon.

\---

The sun was beginning to set as we crossed into zone 4, and I was feeling pretty uneasy.  
“Poison… You sure this’ll be okay? Zone 6 is safest…”  
He smiled at me in the rear view mirror. “Of course, silly. We’ll find somewhere to stay and take turns keeping watch, same as always. It’ll be fine. Plus, we’ll have food.”  
I tried to smile, but I still felt worried. I trusted him, I had shown that much when I followed his advice to run, and keep running for all these years. I trusted this man with my life, but I couldn’t help thinking about what Dr D had said ‘A whole wave of exterminators’. I bit my lip and looked over at Jet Star. He looked every bit as worried as I did, but I knew that, like me, he would always trust Poison.  
“LOOK!” Kobra shouted, pointing out of his window and making us all jump. Poison slowed down and we began to approach what looked like a house. It had become protocol, whenever we found a prospective hideout; make the quietest approach in case anyone was in there, then run in guns blazing, to check it was safe and empty.

Sure enough when we reached the house and stopped the car, Poison turned around to face us all. “You ready, guys?”  
“Yeah” Jet Star nodded, holding up his gun.  
“I’m there baby.” I chimed in.  
“I’m fucking ready.” Kobra said, and we all got out of the car, trying to keep in the shadows as we made our way up to the house. None of the lights were on, but you could never be sure.  
Poison was the first to make it up to the house, and kicked open the door, gun at the ready. We ran inside, looking around the whole of the kitchen we’d broken into before going to the living room and then making our way upstairs. We hadn’t seen any sign of life, and I couldn’t help thinking how nice this place would be to live in. Much better than abandoned warehouses and factories that we were used to.

There were three bedrooms on the second floor, and we quickly scoured two of them and the bathroom, making our way to the final room of the house. We ran in holding out our guns, but only an empty room other than a wardrobe and bed frame greeted us.  
“Fuck yeah. I think this is the best place we’ve secured.” Poison said, and we all lowered our guns, grinning.  
We turned to head back downstairs when a rustling sound came from inside the room. I spun around, gun searching for what to aim for, when the wardrobe opened and a coyote leapt out, running down the stairs and out of the open back door. I stared at the guys, their faces masked in horror suddenly bursting into laughter.  
“Fucking coyote…” Kobra muttered.  
We carried on laughing for a few more seconds before I said, “I guess this place is ours.”

“First things first, let’s go back to the kitchen. There’s gotta be some sort of food around here…” Jet Star said, already halfway down the stairs by the second sentence.  
Sure enough there was a whole crate of tinned baked beans. It might not sound like a feast, but when you can actually heat them up, it’s a luxury for us, and we all ate to out heart’s content.  
Jet Star yawned. “I’m shattered. Who’s taking first watch?”  
“I will.”  
“Me too.”  
Jet Star and Kobra nodded at Poison and me, and went back to the car to grab some blankets to sleep on, and made their way upstairs.  
“Guess it’s just us then.” I said, and Poison put his arm around my shoulder, smiling.

\---

Poison and I ended up sat on the sofa in the living room, walkie clutched in one hand, staring out of the window. We couldn’t turn the lights on, that would be too easy to spot if any Dracs were out there. Although the whole house was covered in a layer of dust, Korse always seemed to have some sort of sixth sense when it came to knowing which buildings were being used and which weren’t.  
We’d been sat there for almost three hours, and he hadn’t said a word for the last two. I thought it was best to let him think, but I was going crazy wondering what he was thinking about.

“What’s up?” I asked, finally.  
He took a minute before answering, his eyes closed in thought.  
“I was thinking about them… Wondering if they’re still out there… And where they are… And if they still fucking remember us…”  
By ‘them’ I knew he meant our families… We’d had to leave them when we’d gone on the run seven years ago. They weren’t old enough, or they weren’t strong enough, to come with us. Someone had to stand up to all of this mess, and it was a hell of a lot safer for them to act like they were part of that world and not ours. Of course, we’d never expected that they would have moved home…  
I remembered back to when we’d first secured a safe location. We had enough food to last us a while, a ton of blankets, and enough guns to keep us safe. We’d driven back, just for one night, to pick them up and take them with us. We were naïve enough to think that loads of others were fighting too, and that in a few weeks or months, it would all be over and we could get back to our lives.  
When we got there, though, they were gone. All of their stuff was gone. They had moved on, and since then we had looking. Every day it was getting more and more dangerous to look. BL/ind. kept growing stronger and stronger, and we had to keep hidden from S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/S…  
“Of course they’re out there… We’ll find them. They just have to keep their identities secret… We’re known Killjoys, so staying where the Dracs know we lived wouldn’t have done them any good. They know what they’re doing, I believe that. When this is all over we can go back home and be with them. It’ll be just like it was before. Trust me…”  
In the back of my mind, a little voice told me that none of these things were for certain, and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. But I had spent too long hoping that it was all true that it seemed as good as certain to me.

Poison smiled softly at me, and leaned his head on my shoulder.  
“I’ll always trust you.” He whispered. I stroked his hair absent-mindedly and went back to watching the out the window for the rest of our watch.

\---

We stayed almost cuddled up on the sofa until sunrise, when Kobra came downstairs, shortly followed by Jet Star, and said they’d take over.  
Stiffly, I stood up and stretched. My eyes ached and I needed sleep. I walked upstairs slowly and found the only bedroom with shutters, which turned out to be the same room in which the coyote had given us such a fright. Poison grabbed some blankets and followed me into the room. I looked at him quizzically.  
“You want me to try and sleep in the blinding sunlight whilst you hog the only room with curtains?” He chuckled softly. I smiled and took some blankets from him, making a make-shift mattress on the floor. He did the same and we both attempted to get comfortable.  
We laid in silence for a few minutes, and I was still thinking about our families.  
“Gee…” I hadn’t called him that in years. It somehow made me feel a little happier, like by using his real name it reminded me of back when we didn’t have to hide. Back to when we were all together.  
“Yeah, Frankie…” He whispered back.  
“I miss them…” A single tear rolled down my cheek.  
There was silence for a few moments, then he finally spoke, and I could hear the tears in his voice, and I had to stifle a sob.  
“I do too, Frankie…”  
I stood up and grabbed my blankets and crossed the room, setting up my ‘bed’ again directly beside his. I hugged him tight as we both sobbed.  
Sometime in the few minutes after I had moved his sobs quietened and I realised he had fallen asleep. Listening to his rhythmic breathing and still holding in my arms, I fell asleep shortly after.


	2. The Riddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There may be some more motorbabies to join Party, Ghoul, Kobra and Jet; but how are they to find them?  
> Dr. Death Defying has a message for the guys which could change everything, but only if they are able to figure out what the riddle means.

When I woke up, Gerard was gone. I groaned inwardly, a sharp pain shooting up my back. You’d think I’d be used to sleeping on the floor by now, but apparently not enough. I stood up and stretched, easing the pain a little.  
“Afternoon, sleepy head.” Poison said, walking into the room in completely different clothes. He’d somehow found a pair of jeans, a red t-shirt and a very worn leather jacket.  
“Fucking hell, where’d all that come from?” We hadn’t exactly had time to pack much when we’d ran, and over the years we’d ended up with less and less.  
“You know there’s a working shower here?” He said, “And…” He slowly opened the wardrobe, smiling, to reveal piles of clothes, hung up or sprawled on the inside.  
“Jet Star, Kobra and I already got ours whilst you were sleeping. You really are a heavy sleeper, you know…” He said as I looked through for something to wear. I found some stuff similar to his, and held them up to me hoping they wouldn’t be too long to swamp my short frame. The top and jacket looked okay, but I had to dive back in to find jeans which weren’t made for a giant.

Finally, I stood up and smiled, having found a whole outfit which looked about the right size for me.  
“Well, I’d better go do the same.” I took the clothes with me and made my way to the bathroom. I hadn’t noticed in the dark last night when we searched the house, but there was a big pile of towels in one corner, and there were even shampoos and shower gels left in the shower cubicle. This was pretty much the best place we’d ever found, and I wondered how long we would be able to stay here without fear of being caught. We were in zone 4 after all.

I noticed the others had washed their old clothes, and they were hanging up to dry over some towel racks, so I did the same with mine before getting into the shower.  
I had a long, relaxing shower, and by the time I’d put on all of my new clothes (which were, unfortunately, a little too long), I was feeling a lot happier. I was even whistling to myself as I walked into the living room where all the other guys were.  
“Hey, we got any foo-“  
“Sh!” Poison cut me off. They were all huddled around the walkie, which had just started making static noises as I walked in.  
Dr D’s voice rung loud from the walkie.

_“Last for all, and first for some,_  
_Thirteen of us you’ll find._  
_Back to the place where we learned it all,_  
_But it’s no place for the blind.”_

 

We all stared at each other in a stunned silence.  
“What”  
“The”  
“Fuck.” Poison, Jet Star and I said.  
“A riddle.” Kobra said suddenly, “Remember Dr D always said he couldn’t tell his location because dracs could be listening. Maybe he thinks they won’t be able to work it out, so we can go and find him.”  
“Well… Any takers on explaining what it means?” Poison asked.

_“Last for all, and first for some,_  
_Thirteen of us you’ll find._  
_Back to the place where we learned it all,_  
_But it’s no place for the blind.”_

The words swam around in my mind. I didn’t know where to begin trying to figure it out. I ignored the first line, it made no sense. How can something be first when it’s last? Thirteen… thirteen what? Maybe that was something to do with the location…  
“Uh… Did we come across thirteen of anything? Like a place… I think it may be something to do with the location…” I interrupted everyone’s mental analysis.  
“I don’t think so… I don’t exactly drive by counting things.” Jet Star replied.  
“Blind.” Poison said and we all gave him an odd look.  
“Yeah… that’s what the last word was…” Kobra said a little sarcastically.  
“No, no… I mean, yeah it was, but it doesn’t mean ‘blind’ exactly, does it?” I looked at him blankly.  
“Blind… Better Living Industries? B-L-ind.? He’s just showing the message is definitely for us and not them.”  
“Fuck… yeah. ‘Kay Poison, you’ve volunteered yourself. Got anymore for us?” Jet Star smiled.

I set about thinking about the rest of it. It couldn’t be that difficult, right? Okay. ‘Back to where we learned it all’… School? I didn’t know of any outside zone 1, and we sure as hell weren’t going there. And neither would Dr D. Not until we found more Killjoys to stage an attack with.  
Wait. Thirteen… If a school was the location, then what was the thirteen about? Maybe… people? If the school was in zone 1… Dr D wouldn’t go alone.  
“Killjoys…” I mumbled. “Thirteen killjoys...” Everyone looked at me, confused.  
“If the school is in zone 1, Dr D wouldn’t go alone.”  
“School?” “Zone 1?” Whoops. Forgot I worked that bit out in my head.  
“’Back to where we learned it all’… School. I don’t know of any schools outside zone 1. BL/ind. Are hardly gonna send their little kids off to an outside zone full of killjoys, are they? He must have found more killjoys to infiltrate the city, and wants us to join.”  
They stood in awed silence for a few seconds, and I smiled. Maybe I wasn’t so bad at this riddle thing.  
“Right, so what about the first bit? What was it again?” Jet Star asked.  
“’Last for all, and first for some.’” Poison and I said in unison.  
We all stood there for a few minutes, trying to make sense of it.

“Fuck. I’m starving. Anyone want anything?” Kobra asked, breaking the silence. We all followed him into the kitchen, still trying to work it out in the back of our minds.

 

After we’d all eaten, Jet Star and I volunteered to go out and try and sneak some more supplies: spare batteries, ray guns and first aid kits. The dracs had set up a bunch of service stations in the zones 1-4, filled with all sorts of supplies they used. But a lot of them had been abandoned in zones further from 1 and 2, as Korse killed more and more killjoys and it seemed safer for them to stay closer to town; they didn’t have to fear attacks from us anymore, as there weren’t enough of us to fight. Luckily for us, most of the supply huts had been abandoned with all the stuff left in them. Unluckily for us, they were randomly spread about and weren’t always simple to find.  
Jet and I found plain black suits and white shirts to wear from the wardrobe, in the hopes that we would look like we belonged in zone 1 and weren’t killjoys, just in case we ran into any dracs. Of course, we had our guns just in case, but if we could pass as civilians it would be a hell of a lot easier. I still didn’t like wearing it, though. It made me feel as though I’d given up all of my beliefs, given up on everything good in the world and joined them, even though I knew it was just for safety. The look on Jet Star’s face told me he was thinking the same thing.  
With ray guns and a walkie talkie hidden, we headed outside.

\---

We had been walking for what seemed like hours, though I could tell from the sun’s position in the sky that it had only been about one hour or so. We hadn’t crossed into zone 3 yet, we were hoping to find one soon whilst trailing around zone 4 before taking a risk like that. We were constantly vigilant for any signs of life, we couldn’t be caught off guard, or we’d probably never make it back.  
It was almost twilight by the time we found a building, which resembled a small hut: Exactly what we had been searching for. We tried to hide in the shadows as we made our way closer to the building, just in case anyone was inside. We didn’t want to give them time to call for backup before we even got to the building. We sneaked up to the side of the building, trying to peek through the small windows (well, Jet had no trouble but I had to stand right on the tip of my toes to see over the high windows).  
“I can’t see anyone in there.” Jet whispered.  
“Shall we check it out?” I asked, getting my gun out. He nodded once and we made our way to the door, staying close to the side of the building. Taking a deep breath, we opened the door and ran inside, guns in our outstretched hands, looking for any sign of movement. But there was none.  
I found a switch on the wall, and light flooded the hut. There were nothing but crates and cardboard boxes covering most of the dusty floor, half of which were empty.  
“Bingo!” I heard Jet Star shout, standing over a box half full with batteries. Next to it was a crate with a few guns piled in, which would definitely come in handy if the new killjoys we met didn’t have enough. If we met them, that was; we didn’t even know what the rest of the riddle meant, or if we were right about the parts we had discovered.  
Together, we grabbed the guns and put them in the box with the batteries. I spotted some first aid kits in a corner and grabbed those, putting them in the box too. We had to be quick; it wasn’t certain how long we’d have before anyone noticed the light.  
“We all set?” I asked. There didn’t look like anything else of value there for us.  
“Um… Yep. Let’s go.” Jet Star said, his eyes scouring the room quickly once more. We grabbed the box, and I switched off the lights and closed the door on my way out. We took it in turns carrying the box, walking for about an hour before realising that we had no idea where we were.  
“Uh… let’s try to get hold of Poison or Kobra…” I said sheepishly, putting the box down and looking for the walkie.

“Uh… Poison? Kobra?” I spoke into the walkie, watching Jet Star kick up dust and curse under his breath in exasperation.  
“Hello?” I asked. Why were neither of them answering? I stood there for a minute, trying to see if I could spot anything recognisable in the distance.  
“HELLO?!” I half shouted into the walkie.  
“Fuck! Hi, are you guys almost back yet? You’ve been gone for ages.” Kobra’s voice came out in a muffled fuzz.  
“Why didn’t you answer the first two times? And, uh, we’re a little lost…”  
“Can a guy not take a piss?” I rolled my eyes. “Right… Don’t tell me anything that could get you caught. Do you, er… Can you see anything you saw on the way?”  
Jet had come and stood next to me in order to hear what Kobra was saying. We both looked around again, “Um. No, nothing.” I admitted.  
“One sec.” Kobra said, and everything was silent for a couple of minutes.  
“Hey, guys, we’re gonna come try and find you. Hang tight and lie low. You’re still in the same zone as us, I assume?” Poison asked, not wanting to mention any specific details over the unsafe line.  
“Yeah we are.” Jet chimed in.  
“’Kay. See you soon.”  
We hauled the box over to a large bush, which was just about the only thing we could see in the surrounding area. No use waiting in the middle of nowhere with no protection.

\---

The sun had fully risen by the time I noticed our car on the horizon. I smiled and nudged Jet Star, who was half-asleep on the floor, and we picked up the box, walking in the direction of the car.  
“Found ya!” I heard Poison’s voice through the walkie. I grabbed my own and said a quick “Fuck yea!” into it as the car approached. I smiled as they both got out, and we put the box down.  
“Guess what? We worked out the first line whilst you were gone! Zone 6. Last for all, but it’s first choice for us!” Kobra said, as he and Poison picked up the box and put it in the trunk.  
“We got batteries! And spare guns in case the other thirteen need them.” I said, getting into the car. I could hear an odd echo of myself as I was talking and realised it was coming from the walkie at the front. I still had the button pressed down on mine.  
“Oops.” I said, realising it and chucking it on the empty seat as the other three got into the car.  
“You know the way back from here, right?” Jet Star asked.  
“Of course. We’ll find it easily.” Kobra said.  
We began to drive back, discussing all of the pieces of the riddle and how they could fit together.


	3. The Exterminators

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some new killjoys to find, and the gang think they know where to go to find them.  
> What could possibly go wrong?!

We drove back to the house easily enough, just as Kobra had anticipated. We ate some beans and started to pack what we would take when we left tomorrow morning on our mission to find Dr D. After packing the crate Jet Star and I had picked up, plus all of the food we could find left in the house, plus loads of clothes - just in case - Jet and Kobra went to have a nap whilst Poison and I kept watch.

We stood outside for a while, enjoying the slight breeze and sunshine. It must have been about mid-May judging by the weather, but we hadn’t kept much track of time for a while so you never could be sure. I took a little walk around the house, kicking up the dirt, not really paying much attention to anything. I knew I should actually keep watch whilst being on watch, but all I could think about was the possibility of finding more killjoys and taking down Korse, and maybe finding my family. I stopped and leaned on the wall at the back of the house, wondering what would happen if I had my family back in my arms. Would they remember me? Would they want me back after all this time? I sighed a little and closed my eyes.

“Hey.”  
Startled by the sudden break in the silence I reached for my gun, before realising it was only Poison.  
“Oh.” I let go of my gun sheepishly. “Hey. You, er, scared me a little.” I half laughed.  
“You okay?” He asked, his brows furrowed a little. I wondered how long he’d been following me.  
“Yeah, yeah. Fine. Just thinking.” He walked closer and leaned on the wall beside me.  
“Wanna talk about it?” He nudged my shoulder lightly with his and gave me a lopsided smile. The kind that made your heart skip a beat and you couldn’t help but smile a little back no matter how horrible your mood was.

But I could still remember the heart-wrenching sobs from the other night, and decided against telling him, even though the only thing I wanted to do was tell him everything that was on my mind so that he could reassure me. But I knew that this time he wouldn’t be able to.

“Uh… No it’s okay. It’s nothing.” I shrugged. “Should we go back to the front?” I asked, trying to change the subject. Before he could answer, no doubt to tell me that I could tell him anything and it was obviously important, I stepped away from the wall and walked to the front of the house. The sun was beginning to set, leaving most of the sky a pinkish hue, which deepened into indigo the higher up you looked. I thought about all of the families, everyone in Battery City, settling down for a calm evening meal like any other, whilst we were out here just battling to stay alive. I wondered if my family were setting down for the evening… No. I needed to focus. On the watch, and on finding a way to stop Korse. I gritted my teeth and stared into the sunset. Poison looked at me cautiously, probably expecting me to have an angry outburst about something. It had been a while… he knew one was coming any day now. I admit over the years I’ve let me anger get to me, allowed my fear and hatred and sadness turn into intense anger and completely flipped out. I’d argued, shouted, thrown punches. But I didn’t have the energy to be angry anymore. I didn’t have the energy to spend days apologising after they’d already forgiven me, but I always felt terrible afterwards. Each of them had needed stitches at least once after the past few outbursts. I hated myself for hurting them. And I just couldn’t do it anymore, so instead I just let it bubble away inside, eating me up instead of lashing out. It was probably better that way.

I sighed and looked at him softly, trying to show him that I wasn’t going to get angry. “I guess we should go and get them up so we can get some sleep. If we’re leaving first thing in the morning we’ll need some rest.” He nodded and we went inside to tell the others to take over the watch.

 

\---

 

I awoke as soon as the sun rose in the sky, already feeling nervous for the day ahead. What happened if we couldn’t find them? We had our hopes up so high on the prospect of more like us out there. Worse yet, what if we had gotten the riddle completely wrong? Too much was resting on this. With the numbers we would have, we would finally be able to attack zone 1 – if only just to gain some information about their headquarters.

I rubbed my eyes, stretched, and got dressed back into my old outfit, butterflies filling my stomach. I walked downstairs to find Kobra and Jet checking we had packed everything we needed in the car before we needed to leave.

“Where’s Poison?” I asked Kobra.  
“Heeeeeeeere!” Poison shouted, running down the stairs and out the door towards us, with a big grin on his face. He looked so cute; his smile reminded me of the last Christmas we all spent together, where he was so excited about his presents. It was infectious. By the time he reached the car, all four of us were grinning like idiots. We all got into the car and set off for zone 6, Gee in the driver’s seat, and Mikey riding shotgun as usual. I watched as our temporary house faded into the distance, soon becoming a part of the blur where the desert and sky seemed to mix together.

We drove onward for a couple of hours, no one speaking, all of us wishing that we were on our way to ending this.  
I was the first to see it.

“Fuck. Gee. Turn back. TURN BACK!” I yelled.  
But it was too late. They had seen us.  
A deafening siren sounded, and at least 50 cars were on our tail. Exterminators. But… how did they know?

Shit. Shit. My breath caught in my throat, choking me as fear and anger and hatred rippled through my body.  
I had led them here, to zone 6. I left the radio on, and somebody had been listening in.  
And now they had found us.  
Poison sped up as fast as the car would go.  
“They’re gaining on us.” Kobra began to panic, almost to the point of hyperventilation.  
“Just breathe. We’ll be okay. We always are.” Jet said, getting out his ray gun and opening the window to aim. I followed suit, catching Poison’s eye in the rear view mirror. He smiled at me, and I tried to smile back. This was it, and we knew it. We wanted to go down smiling, thinking of all the good times.

I began shooting backwards at the following cars through my open window. But we were fighting a losing battle, as more and more cars joined the chase.  
Poison pushed his foot even harder on the accelerator.  
“They won’t take me a-fucking-live.” He said through gritted teeth.

BANG

The car lurched to one side. They’d got a tyre. Poison tried in vain to keep control of the car, whilst Jet, Kobra and I kept shooting.

BANG

I ducked as a shot hit the rear window, obliterating it into tiny shards.

BANG  
BANG  
BANG

They were shooting too fast for us to keep up. Poison skidded to a halt as they blew another two tyres. We all jumped out of the car to run, knowing we’d get caught; but we would never go down without a fight. I tried to shoot at as many exterminators as I could. If I was going down, I was taking them with me.

A pair of arms grabbed my shoulder.  
“Fuck. GET OFF.” The hands started to grapple around my throat, and I tried to shake them off.   
“FUCK!” I yelped hoarsely, still trying to shoot.  
Something collided with my head, and I felt a warm wetness creep down towards my cheek. I felt myself blacking out from blood loss, seeing Poison and Kobra already on the floor in my peripheral.  
“Gee…. I…” I collapsed, seeing only darkness.

 

\---

 

When I woke up the taste of sand lingered in my mouth. I bolted upright. I wasn’t dead, I was pretty sure of that. Unless I had died and this was heaven or hell or wherever I’d been sent. I heaved a breath and felt an ache in my chest. If this was death, it wasn’t the pain free paradise that had always been promised.

Why hadn’t the Dracs killed me? I looked around me; I was out in the open, still next to our car. I wasn’t tied up, or injured any more than I had been before I collapsed. But… why did they leave me? I stood up, slowly, a sharp pain in my left leg, which caused me to limp as I took a few steps, looking for the others.

They wouldn’t have killed or taken them and left me… would they? Unless they assumed I was dead… But no, they would have wanted to make sure. They had been searching us for years; they wouldn’t have left me without putting a gun to my head to make sure I was gone.  
“Poison?! Kobra?! Jet?!” I yelled. “Fuck.” I whispered, doubling over at the pain somewhere in my ribcage. I hoped it was a broken rib and not organ damage causing it.

I heard a gurgling noise followed by a grunt coming from the other side of our car. I stumbled towards the noise, hoping it was one of the others and not some sort of trap.  
I saw Poison and Kobra, both lying in the sand near to each other, and collapsed in between them.  
“Wake… up… guys.” Talking made the pain worse.  
I swivelled my head around, trying not to move my chest, looking around for Jet Star.

I heard a cough from beside me and noticed Poison had opened his eyes.  
“Poison… we’re alive… are you okay? ... Where’s Jet?” There were too many questions that needed answering.  
“They… They didn’t kill us? They didn’t take us?! What the FUCK is going on?!” Was Poison’s response. I half crawled towards Kobra, and nudged his shoulder when I was close enough.  
“Wake up… wake up.” Poison had run over to join, his hand holding on to a deep wound on his head. It didn’t look like he had any serious wounds anywhere else, except for the painful looking burn on his other arm. 

My heart seemed to be thumping much harder than usual, but I tried to ignore all of my pain and discomfort until I knew Kobra and Jet were okay.  
“Kobra… Come on…” Poison whispered, leaning over him. Suddenly he turned onto his side and spat some blood into the sand.  
“I’m okay.” He said meekly. He had busted lip and a bloody mouth, and a nasty looking gash on his right leg, but he otherwise looked fine.

“Where’s Jet?” My heart was beating somehow even faster as I scanned the desert once more only to see no sign of him. Poison jumped up again and began running around, calling out for Jet; Kobra slowly stood up and began hobbling after him.  
There were a few minutes of calling and searching, I stayed on the floor just trying to keep myself from crying out in pain. It felt like someone was trying to wrench my chest open.  
Poison soon ran back to me, out of breath.  
“Ghoul… I think… I think they’ve taken him.” He whispered with tears in his eyes.

That was when I puked before blacking out once again.

\---

I drifted in and out of consciousness, unsure of how many days were passing. I could only remember snippets of what was happening, the rest was masked too much in pain for me to pay attention. I remembered Poison and Kobra lifting me into the car, me lying on the back seat whilst Poison drove. They were talking about something each time, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. The next time I woke up, I wasn't in the car anymore, I was in a small room with a low ceiling and white walls. Someone else was there... But I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to see them properly.

"It's a cracked rib, a head wound and a fractured ankle. He needs plenty of rest... He'll be bedridden for a few months unless we can improvise a cast and some crutches." I could hear a woman talking... Was I in hospital? No, that was impossible. The only running hospitals were in zone 1...  
I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the small room I had last woken up in.

I went to sit up and groaned.  
"Ghoul!" Poison was suddenly at my side, staring down at me, with tears in his eyes.  
"You're okay... You're okay!" He gave me almost the same smile he had just before we had left for zone 6... But it didn't meet his eyes. That's when I felt my stomach plummet. Jet must still be missing... Or worse.  
"Kobra? Is he okay? And... Jet?" I gulped. " Where is he?!"  
"Kobra is great! We found the other Killjoys! We found them!" He smiled once more, but I fell with his next words. "And... Jet... We haven't been able to find him, we've had patrols out every night."  
"Every night... How long have I been out?" I wondered aloud.  
"About a week. We... We've been planning an attack on the city... But you're gonna take a few months to heal... Oh! Oh, this is Venom Rose!" He said, grabbing the woman who had been speaking earlier and bringing her over to me.  
"She was a doctor before all of this, she patched you up really good. Thank fuck we met her." Poison gushed as she stood next to him smiling at me.  
"Hi. And thanks, for everything." I said. She smiled at me and nodded. She looked like she was in her early thirties, with bright blue eyes which lit up when she smiled, and long blonde hair which flicked up at the end. She was thin, really thin - but then we all were from lack of food.

"It's no problem. Um. Your chest is taped up, so you won't be able to move that much. You're lucky it feels like only a small, clean break, which will heal itself within a month or two. You're ankle however... We don't have x-ray equipment, obviously, but from what I could see and feel it had been displaced where the break was. I had to try and put it back to where it should be... It's a painful procedure under normal circumstances, but you were unresponsive to most things whilst you were unconscious, so I'm hoping you didn't feel it."

I was definitely glad she was one of the thirteen. Someone with medical knowledge and abilities was invaluable to us.  
"Wow... Er, no I didn't feel anything."  
"Great." She smiled once more. "It will take up to six months to heal, though... And while you were out, there have been plans for an attack... All of which occur before you'll be fully healed..." She bit her lip and looked over at Poison, who nodded ever so slightly.  
"I'll er... Leave you two to talk. Remember, campfire in a couple of hours. You can wheel him out to meet everyone but he is not allowed to get up because he has no cast or crutches." She gave me another small smile, then left the room.

Wheel me out? Where had they found a gurney? I twisted my head to have a look around the room, careful not to move my chest. Then I realised. If we had found the Killjoys, we had found the school... And I must be on one of those hard beds in the nurse's office. No wonder I had assumed I was lying on a table or something...

I looked back up to Poison, surveying his injuries. He had a bandage around the top of his head and around his arm, but he wasn't showing any signs of pain.  
"Frankie..." He leaned down and whispered.  
"Gee..." My stomach fluttered as he leaned down so close, our faces were only about two inches away from each other's.  
"Promise me you'll never do that to me again. Frankie... I thought I was going to lose you." His voice cracked at the last few words.  
"I'll try not to..." I had a strong urge to lean up and close the gap between us, but my cracked rib said no.  
I stared into his eyes, they glistened with tears, but the deep hazel shone through. Too soon he lifted his head and went to sit down on the chair about a foot away from my bed.

"We're going to have to leave you behind... We don't know... What they've done to Jet." I gulped, thinking about how I'd left the radio on... Led them to us. This was all my fault. "But he could still be alive." He continued, hopefully. "And if he is, we need to go as soon as we can."  
"No, you can't leave me. I need to come. I need to fight." I couldn't let anyone else get hurt or... I couldn't even think of the possibility that I'd... Killed him. No. No one else was going to suffer because of me. I'd die fighting, it was what I deserved after what I'd done.  
"No! You can't even walk. How are you going to help? You'll get yourself killed!"  
"Good." I mumbled. I couldn't live with the guilt if I'd killed him, and if other people got hurt because of it.

Poison was back at my bedside in a flash.  
"Frankie. This isn't a game. I forbid you to go."  
"Forbid me? Forbid me?! You don't understand, I NEED to fight, Gee."  
"Stop being childish. We'll go and try and find him, and hopefully bring him back... Then we'll attack again with our full forces in a few months to try and kill Korse. But this time... You can't come. We have to go soon to find him." He put his hand on mine, rubbing circles with his thumb, trying to calm me.  
"No." I could feel tears in my eyes. "I need to fight this time. I'll get what I deserve."  
"What are you talking about?" He asked incredulously.  
"I... I led them to us. It was an accident... But this is all my fault. I didn't deserve to be saved."  
"You... You what?!" Poison asked, leaping away from me as if I was going to explode and take him down with me.  
"All my fault..." I sobbed, trying to sit up. I needed to be close to Poison, if he hated me... I didn't know what I'd do anymore.  
The pain in my chest quadrupled and I flopped back down, struggling to breathe.

 

"Breathe... Frankie, please breathe."  
It was getting easier, the pain was drifting away.  
"I'm okay... I'm okay." He was at my side again.  
"Okay... Now, please, explain." His stare was intense, and I had to turn away a little.  
"When we were in the car. After we went and got the supplies. Do you remember what we spoke about?" I asked.  
"Vaguely." His voice was monotonous.  
"Well... I mentioned that we were going into zone 6, but... I still had the walkie on. They must have been listening. They knew we were coming and fucking patrolled the border. This is all my fault. I left the fucking walkie on and now Ray's gone." Tears cascaded down my cheeks. Don't let him hate me. Please, don't let him hate me.

It was silent for a few minutes; I kept my eyes on him, but he looked everywhere but my eyes.  
I waited for him to say something, anything, but he kept silent.  
"Gee..." I whispered.  
"Don't. Don't say anything. I... I need to think. Kobra... He can introduce you to everyone. I need to be alone." His words were rushed, and he had barely finished speaking before he was up and out the door.

I reached up and wiped my eyes, then rubbed my temples, feeling a stress headache coming on.  
He would never forgive me. Why should he? I was never going to forgive myself. Did I deserve his forgiveness? No. Did I deserve him hating me for the rest of my life, and probably afterwards? Yes.  
"Stop crying then. You're getting what you deserve." I whispered in a spiteful tone to myself. Ray is who I should be worrying about, not my relationship with Gerard.  
"Did you say something?" I heard Mikey's voice and looked up to see him standing in the doorway. He had a bruise on his jaw line, and a bandage on his left leg; but looked otherwise unscathed.  
"No, nothing." I guessed Gee hadn't told him what I'd confessed, and I didn't want to go through it all again just yet. I couldn't handle everyone hating me at once. I needed to meet our new allies.  
"Mi- Kobra?" It was funny how easily you could slip back into old routines, but I had to use code names out loud for security. "Are you gonna show me the new Killjoys?" I asked as he walked into the room, limping a little due to the large gash he had acquired on his leg during the fight.  
He smiled brightly. "Yeah! They're all really awesome. And they can't wait to go into battle. We're gonna get this city back, one way or another." I couldn't help but smile a little at his enthusiasm, even with everything that was going on.

"Poison said he was going for a walk and that I am under no condition allowed to let you stand or walk. So... I guess I'll just wheel you right out." Hm... So he had seen Gee, but he'd obviously not let spill to Mikey about what I had done. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign.  
At least Mikey didn't hate me. But did he just leave telling Mikey for now so I could be introduced to the others before he told him and they both ignored and hated me? Or did it mean that he was willing to forgive me and didn't want to get Mikey involved?


	4. The Hostage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Ghoul made a huge mistake, which ended up with Jet Star being kidnapped. The Killjoys finally find out his fate; will they be prepared?

Mikey had wheeled me outside whilst I was thinking. The cool, fresh air was soothing and pleasant, and I could hear the crackling of a fire, although I couldn't really move to see anything other than the sky due to my injuries.  
It was pitch black out, apart from the various stars shining in the night's sky. As Mikey walked me over to the crowd of murmuring people, I mapped out some of the constellations I remembered my dad teaching me as a child.  
I was able to point out Centaurus, Carvo and Virgo before I could tell we had reached the crackling fire by the heat emanating from it, and the mumbling voices of the people surrounding it became louder and clearer.

Mikey began wheeling me around the circle, and I felt really silly because I couldn't even sit up, so everyone had to come over and lean over my bed to greet me.  
"You've already met Venom Rose, our resident doctor. This is her daughter, Acid Rain." A young woman, she must have been in her late teens, possibly twenty but no older, leaned over to say hi. She had the same bright blue eyes and blonde hair has her mother, except hers was a lot wavier. She allowed her hair to hang loose, emphasising her youthful features.  
I mumbled a hello back, and was wheeled straight on to the next Killjoy, a woman named Hollow Flame, whose red hair with orange highlights actually resembled flames. Her husband, Rapid Fire, and her son, River Dragon, also came over. Her son, who must have only been a teenager, seemed to have inherited all of his father's features except for having the same piercing green eyes as his mother, which showed a knowing older than his years.

The evening continued in this way, with me being introduced to all of the new Killjoys; except for Dr D; and often hearing snippets of information about their lives before all of this.  
A chemist, Neutron Rocket, who had managed to swipe various tablets and ointments from his shop before going on the run; brothers, Silver Bullet and Spyder Fang ("'Y' no 'I'", he'd specifically told me); a tattoo artist named Toxic Spark who had his hair dyed vivid green; Red Hurricane, a young man who's hazel eyes reminded me of Gee, which gave a twinge in my stomach; and married couple Neon Laser, an ex-cop, and Cosmic Shadow, whose raven coloured hair fell way past her waist.  
I asked Mikey if Dr D was here, and he said he never came out to camp fires, he mostly sat in a room he liked to call his office. I wondered how many camp fires and bonding time I had missed out on. I knew that all of the other Killjoys had known each other from at least since the riddle was sent, but Mikey seemed to be chatting with them as though they were old friends. I noticed he didn't laugh or smile much; he was closer to Ray than any of us.

I turned my head to the side and watched the fire, the others had long given up trying to talk to me; I wasn't in the mood for chatter and had kept ignoring them. It was almost peaceful, the fire. It would have been had I not had constant worry about Ray in the back of my mind, and also the niggling thought that Gee would never talk to me again.

Suddenly I heard a noise on my other side, and whipped my head round to look, causing considerable pain, but I couldn't look away. A man with a bandanna around the top of his long shaggy hair, and thick dark facial hair covering parts of his face came running out of the building. He was holding out a radio as he ran towards us.  
"Listen!" He commanded. I recognised his voice easily from countless broadcasts: this was Dr Death Defying.  
It took me a few seconds to concentrate on the voice coming from the radio in his hand, but when I did, I felt my blood turn cold.  
"Hello? Hello?!"  
"Everyone is here. What's the message?" Dr D prompted.  
"They... Korse says he's waiting. He says he knows who is out there and that you all need to come to get me." I could hear the fear in his voice. "Don't do it! Don't do it! Save yourselves!" I heard a loud noise and a grunt and had to stop myself from being sick. What torture were they putting him through?  
"Let's see... I know some of you are injured, but if you leave the sick behind then you'll never get this one back. I'll give you... Six weeks. See you soon." Korse laughed, and then the line went dead.  
They were keeping Jet Star hostage.

A huge lump caught in my throat as I struggled to come to terms with what I’d heard. BL/ind. had Jet Star. They had Ray. He was alive, but he wasn’t safe… Somehow… Korse knew we were all out here and together, unless he was bluffing. But then… Did I mention how many Killjoys we were trying to find? I wracked my brains trying to remember, my head beginning to hurt. If they knew we were searching for 13 Killjoys they would easily figure out that if they stopped us four and took one that there’d be an even sixteen left. They didn’t know all of our names, or what we all looked like, they didn’t need to. They knew to expect sixteen and no less.  
Six weeks. My ankle still wouldn’t be completely healed by then, but they would kill him if I didn’t go. I had to be there.

Everyone seemed to be in shock. Mikey looked down at me, eyes widened in terror. They had our Ray. The other Killjoys, from what I could see, were either looking around at one another, or staring at us, mouths wide open.  
I was the first to speak.  
“Poison. Party Poison.” I whispered, looking at Mikey, remembering that Gerard had missed the announcement. He still had no idea if Ray was dead or alive.  
Mikey gave me a nod and then rushed off to locate him. My stomach gave a lurch. How would he react to the news? Would he just be happy that Ray was alive and forgive me? Or would he now tell Mikey? We all needed to work together for a plan of attack, which would be made all the more difficult if neither of them could stand to be in the same room as me. I was an involuntary traitor. But my intentions or recklessness wouldn’t matter. I’d probably just signed us all up for a death sentence.

This led me to an even bigger problem. Would these thirteen people; these people that I’ve only known for an hour or two, who Mikey and Gerard have only known for a week, who Ray has never known; would they be willing to put their lives on the line for him? Strategically, we would have a better chance of beating BL/ind. if we left it and kept our numbers at sixteen in order to attack when they weren’t expecting us.  
But for Gerard, Mikey and I… Well, we would never forgive ourselves if we didn’t try.  
After a few mumblings between the others which I couldn’t hear, Venom Rose turned to me and began wheeling my bed back towards the school.  
“Hey! What’s going on?” I growled. I probably shouldn’t be hostile to the doctor who saved me, but I hated not being a part of the action, part of the planning. This was more my fight than anyone’s.  
“If we have to go so soon then you’ll need all the sleep you can get. Your body heals more during sleep than any other time.” She said matter-of-factly, wheeling me into the first room I had woken up in.  
“Open.” She instructed, and I did what I was told without question. She popped a pill into my mouth and tilted my head up to give me a drink of water from a bottle she kept with her.  
“Now, just try and rest.” She told me before walking out the door and switching off the lights.  
And I did as she asked, because she had just told me that we were all going to go and try to save Ray. And for all the trouble I was giving them, she deserved my trust.

\---

“Okay, we have about five weeks before we attack, so we need to start training. Right, Hurricane, Spark, Bullet, Poison: you’re on punching bags. Rose, Fire, Rocket, Shadow, shooting range. Rain, Dragon, Fang, Flame and me, we’ll be going through some self defence. But before you all split up, I want ten laps for warm up!”  
I could hear perfectly fine, but my eyes didn’t want to seem to open, as the pill I’d been given kept trying to push me back into oblivion.  
I tried to remember that voice as I struggled to open my eyes and regain full consciousness. I’d heard his voice before, but it wasn’t familiar enough for me to remember a name.  
Finally my eyes sprang to life and I looked over to see a group of people running around what looked like a sports hall. Yep. We were definitely back at school. 

I looked up to see Mikey looking down at me.  
“Good, you’re awake. They didn’t want me to bring you but I said that if you weren’t asleep you might get some tips or something from watching.”  
“Watching?” I mumbled, still feeling a little disorientated. Had the first voice said ‘about five weeks’? What happened to six weeks? How long had I been out…?  
“Yeah, training starts properly today. They were just working on physical fitness first, running and stuff, y’know. I’m not allowed to train either because of my leg… Laser seems pretty organised so far. I think we have a good chance.”  
Yeah, a good chance of all of us dying. No… I couldn’t think like that. If we could grab Ray and run, some of us may stand a chance.  
Finally I put the voice to the face, remembering back to before I’d been asleep for what I guess to be a couple of days. Neon Laser. He had told me he was an ex-cop, so it figures he’d be the training leader.

I watched everyone run past on another lap, happily comfy in my bed, but still yearning to join them. A sudden questions sprang to mind and I turned back to Mikey.  
“Where’s Dr D?”  
“Oh, he’s in his office. Planning. Apparently he had a spy in zone 1 who sent him maps and blueprints of BL/ind. headquarters, so he’s trying to figure out where they could be hiding… Jet, and, er, how we’re gonna get him.” His voice caught at Ray’s name, and he quickly turned away after speaking, but I was pretty sure I’d seen his eyes getting a little teary. I leaned out and patted his arm awkwardly, trying not to move my rib cage. A voice in my head kept screaming ‘It’s all your fault!’, and I took my hand away, feeling guilty for causing him, and everyone else, this pain.  
“We’ll find him.” He muttered determinedly.

Maybe we would, but how many of us would return? Maybe Korse had no idea that we, well Dr D, has so much information about headquarters; but if he wants us to all go there he must know we know something. And… why does he want us there anyway? He knows we’re in zone 6, why not send a load of exterminators here instead? I’m sure he could find us quite easily if he wanted… He either wants us all fighting on his turf, where he has control, or it’s a trap. It could even be both. If we fight there he could take us all hostage, kill us in front of an audience, even. Just to send a message out, to show everyone what happens when you defy them.  
“Mikey.” I whispered so no one could overhear. “I think it’s a trap.”  
“I know.”  
“You… You know?” He just nodded before looking away. Of course, whilst I was being put to sleep everyone probably figured it out. If I wasn’t so injured I’d go and somehow free Jet myself, I don’t care if they kill me. Maybe… Maybe I could go anyway. Just before everyone else sets off… I could get him back.

\---

The next few weeks flew by, and before I knew it, 4 of our 6 weeks had gone. Everyone had been busy training every day, with Dr D occasionally joining us at meal times. Poison had barely spoken to me since that first night, and instead of upsetting me, it just motivated me further to think of a plan of how I could sneak out and find Ray. So far I'd worked out that we had one extra car than was really necessary, and if I could take one I wasn't stopping any of the others from being able to escape if needs be. The problem was my ankle. I'd just been given the a-ok to be able to sit up and limp around. My rib had finally healed, although it was still painful, but I wasn't supposed to put prolonged pressure on my ankle. Maybe my determination for finding Ray would take away the pain when driving, though I doubted it. I was just going to have to grin and bear it if I wanted to save everyone's lives.

Also, there was the huge problem of not having seen any maps. At first I was going to sneak a peek during dinner; not everyone came to our group every night, so it wouldn't look suspicious if I was missing, and I could just sneak up to Dr D's office and have a look one night when he came to eat with us. The problem was the stairs. Six flights of them to the third floor where his office was situated, and that was no easy feat for someone mostly hopping about. I figured that he would have to show us all at some point before we left, and I would just have to leave soon after that. I just wondered how close he would leave it. What if he planned on showing us the night before, or worse, on the morning we left?

Mikey was well enough to join training properly, so it was mostly just me alone sat around all day, sometimes allowed on the shooting range they'd built up as that didn't require much physical exertion. It gave me time to think, and do some well-needed planning. But it also gave time for my more negative thoughts to sink in. The masochistic ones, who blamed me for all of this. I was more than thankful for the sleeping pills Rocket swiped from his shop when he went on the run. He said he'd just grabbed anything which might come in handy, and almost didn't take them. I was glad he had. They're what were keeping me sane, keeping the thoughts at bay to give me a few hours of peace.

Today was another day of not being allowed to do anything, drifting in and out of a dream-like state. I had gone over my plan a hundred times, the issue would be once I got in there and had to improvise. I had no idea where they were holding him. I just needed to get him out and in the car, then they could kill me for all I cared, as long as he was safe.

\---

Dinner that night was a drag. Everyone was laughing and joking, but they all had a look in their eyes that showed they knew they were going to die, and it killed me to look at anyone. I was staring down at my half-eaten food when he said it.  
"Meeting in ten minutes. We need to start going through blueprints."  
So tonight would be the night I would leave. Everyone nodded and hurriedly ate their food before clearing the table ready for the meeting.

"Okay. So we have these four main entrances; each of which is likely to have a number of guards, however this one here," Dr D pointed to a smaller back entrance on a map he had laid out on the table, "this would seem to have fewer than the others. This is where we will make our entry."  
"I think Jet Star may be being held in this general area, most of which is underground, probably quite heavily guarded. They'll want us to stop and fight, we just want to get him and go. Obviously we'll have to shoot our way through, but don't become so preoccupied with gunning down exterminators that you'll get yourself dusted. We want to be in and out, so we can try to build numbers and stage a surprise attack. Okay?" He continued.  
"Okay." Everyone chimed in at once. Go in. Don't die. Get Ray. Get out. Simple, I thought.  
Dr D told us a little more about the building, including a warning to us against using any elevators, which they could power off at any time, trapping us inside. He then told us we should get to bed in preparation for tomorrow's training, and I made my way to my living quarters, across the hall from the Nurse's station.

I pretended to take my nightly sleeping pill, hiding it under my tongue, and stared at the ceiling, waiting until everyone, except for those on watch, would fall asleep.


	5. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Ghoul has a plan to save Jet Star. Well, he has half a plan. And a broken ankle. But he _needs_ to save him.  
>  Can a certain redhead stop him before he goes and gets himself ghosted out in zone 1?

After an excruciatingly long time I couldn't hear any more movement, and I got up, grabbing my ray gun and the clothes I had worn when Jet and I went into zone 3 to look for supplies. I might need to dress like a civilian once I get closer to Battery City, I thought. I left my room, as silently as I could with a creaky old door, and made my way outside. I knew someone would be patrolling the front and back entrances, but there was a small side exit to the school, which I'd found a couple of days ago, perfect for sneaking out. I stayed close to the wall, in the shadows, as I sought out a car. I hadn't been able to steal anyone's car keys, but luckily no-one saw much use in locking vehicles, and I knew how to hotwire a car. I found a small two-seater. It looked like it would drive pretty fast, which was good. I needed to get as far away as possible before anyone could come after me.

As I went to open the car door I was wondering idly whether anyone would hear the car pulling away, when I heard a noise close behind me. I immediately raised my gun, trying in vain to see who was there in the pitch darkness.

"Drop it." I heard a familiar voice command.  
"P... Poison? It's me..." I whispered. Shit. I knew he would have shot me where I stood if I hadn't spoken up to identify myself as a killjoy. It was too dark to make out features, and he could have easily mistaken me as a Drac. But would he let me go?  
"Ghoul? What on earth..? What are you doing here?" I wracked my brains to think of some sort of lie, something to get him off my back so I could try again tomorrow; but my mind went completely blank.  
"Me? I... Er... I was going for a walk... Clear my head." I was a terrible liar.  
"A walk? At night?” He paused and I nodded quickly, hoping he would believe me. “On a still broken ankle?" He continued.  
"Er... Well a limp, then. And I wanted to be alone, there are usually people going for runs for training during the day...” Maybe this could work.  
"Why are you almost getting in that car, then?" Okay, maybe it wouldn't work... I dithered a little, muttering lots of 'ums' and 'ers', without being able to think of an excuse.  
"Were you... You weren't going to try and get Jet, were you?" He asked incredulously.  
"M-Maybe... I got everyone into this mess, it's not right if everyone else suffers because of my stupidity."  
He stayed silent, walking closer so I could actually see his face in the very dim light of the moon.  
"Frank..." He whispered. "There's no way you would have made it back."  
"I don't need to make it back. I just need to get Ray into the car so he could drive here. Then they can have me for all I care." I took a step, well, a hop almost, closer to the car and opened the door. "So... Goodbye, Gerard." My voice cracked a little, and I could feel tears in my eyes. But no, I wouldn't allow this to stop me. This was why I wanted to leave without a word, not having to say goodbyes. "You can... You can pretend you didn't see me; act surprised when everyone finds out, and just try to stall them and I'll get Ray back to you."

I ducked to get into the car, but a hand pulled me back.  
"You think I'm going to let you go? Let you die?!"  
I tried to shrug his arm off - had I really thought he would let me go without a fight? Well... He'd barely spoken to me for weeks, he hated me... Didn't he?  
"I'm trying to get Ray back. That's what everyone wants!" I could feel myself getting angry, I just wanted to leave. "Just let me go! There's no use letting everyone else die when this is all my fault. I deserve whatever I get."  
"You don't get it, do you? I'm not going to let you, Frank. It's a suicide mission. And... I can't lose you."  
He pulled me fully out of the car, our faces tantalisingly close. I could feel his warm breath on my face as I stared into his eyes.  
"So... You don't hate me for what I did?" I asked quietly, his closeness having a somehow calming effect on me.  
"I... I was angry for a while." He admitted. "But you would never do any harm knowingly. It was a stupid mistake, and I couldn't blame you for it. And you shouldn't blame yourself, either." I felt his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer. My heart started hammering into my chest as he pulled me into a hug.

No. I couldn't keep feeling this way around him. We both had families to try and find, and an attack to focus on. But as he pulled away, still keeping his face inches from mine, all I could think about was pressing my lips to his. He stayed so close to me, that I thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same.  
"Frankie, you're my best friend, and it would kill me to lose you."  
Of course. Of course he wouldn't think of me as anything more. I was stupid.  
"But... Ray. I need to find him." I couldn't let go of what I'd come here to do.  
"No. Frank, _we'll_ find him. You'll never find him alone, and if they don't get all sixteen of us... Who knows what they'll do to him? You have to trust me on this, please. You have to wait and let us all go, we'll have a better chance." I nodded, feeling like I'd failed, but knowing he was right.  
"Come on." He said, closing the car door. "My watch is over, let's go to bed." I followed him back into the school, feeling defeated. For all my planning, all my time spent preparing myself for death; I had failed. I should be on the road by now.

We got to my room, and Poison followed me inside.  
"Er... Frankie... Not that I don't trust you, but maybe I should stay here... Just in case you feel the need to try your little plan again." He whispered.  
I wanted to tell him I wouldn't, I couldn't, after what he'd said, but I wasn't exactly opposed to him staying in my room.  
"Uh, sure." I muttered, stepping towards my bed. There was only one bed, and as much as I cared about him, I wasn't giving it up to sleep on the floor. Once I got into bed, though, I felt his arms around me as he slipped under the blanket behind me.  
"Goodnight." He whispered, his body so close to mine that it took me a while to fall asleep.

 

\---

 

The next morning I rolled over in bed to see Gerard, and everything from last night came flooding back. A lump rose in my throat as the guilt returned – the failure – but I swallowed it back, remembering that Gee was right. I wouldn’t have been able to find Ray, and I may have gotten him killed in the process.  
He was snoring lightly and I watched him for a couple of minutes, trying to take in every inch of his face, from the tiny hint of a smirk on his lips as he dreamt, to the way his hair fanned out a little behind his head. I tried not to think that this could be the last time I saw him this way… I doubted he’d be sleeping in my bed again, and I couldn’t help knowing there was a high chance that one of us, or neither of us, would make it back after the attack. I didn’t want to waste a moment. A thought suddenly popped into my head. ‘Tell him. Tell him how you feel. Just do it, what have you got to lose?’

But I couldn’t. I lay there, staring at him, wishing for this moment to last forever, for me to be with him forever… I loved him. But I couldn’t say it.

Too soon his eyes half opened and he yawned. I pretended I hadn’t been staring and stretched, acting as though I too had just woken.  
“Mornin’” He smiled, and I couldn’t stop myself from returning the smile, still thankful that after everything he still stuck by me.  
“Morning!” I replied as he hopped out of bed. I had to be more cautious, wincing a little as I put weight on my ankle.  
“And you thought you could drive on that…” He muttered, obviously noticing me wince.  
“I could have put up with the pain” I retaliated, causing him to roll his eyes at me.  
“I never said it was a great plan…” I mumbled; he just smirked in reply.  
“We’d… Well I’d better get off to training… Seeing as you still aren’t allowed…” He motioned towards my leg. I nodded, a little sadly, wishing we had more time alone. Much more.

\---

After training; in which I was allowed on the shooting range for about an hour before just sitting at the side, trying not to stare at Gerard, and failing; we all went down to dinner. Thankfully, Gerard hadn’t told anyone about me trying to sneak off last night, so I was still allowed in the meeting where Dr D informed us of some new information he had received about Ray’s whereabouts. We were told that there was now only a small cluster of three rooms which could contain Ray, rather than the whole underground-basement area as thought before.

Gerard kept throwing me wary glances as Dr D told us the new information, probably wondering if I was going to run off again now that I had a better chance of finding him. But Dr D told us about security… Exterminators posted at every door on the way down. Something that we could get through as a group, but had no chance against when alone. Somehow it all just became more real. As I looked around the room, I wondered how many would make it back… With my lack of training and injury, I was the weakest link, likely to be the first to go… The thought scared me, and I mentally cursed myself. Had I not been prepared for death just yesterday? Maybe it was because of Gerard; the fleeting feelings he’d given me last night that he might reciprocate my love for him… As I looked back to him, his eyes were staring into mine, searching, scared… Almost as if he were thinking the same thing I was. But he had no reason to fear. During training he had always shone out as one of the strongest, one of the fastest. I kept my eyes on his until the end of the meeting, before I began to limp back to my room.

As I left the room I suddenly felt arms on my shoulders, guiding me towards my room. It didn’t take three guesses to work out who it was.  
“Thanks, Poison.” I smiled as he lifted my arm around his shoulders so he could fully support me. In a couple of seconds we were already halfway to my room.  
“I’ll be fine from here… You won’t make it to your room before lights out…” I muttered. His room was all the way upstairs and over the other side of the corridor from the way we were walking now, and Dr D only gave a couple of minutes before cutting the power. We needed everyone to be well rested, and didn’t want to bring attention to the building by having it lit up all night.

He looked away as he spoke. “Maybe… Maybe I don’t wanna be in my room tonight…” His voice was almost inaudible, and when he looked back for a second I saw a glint of something in his eyes… guilt? Shame? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… Maybe I was over-thinking it.  
“Then… Where?” I asked, a little confused, though hoping for a certain answer.  
“Well… Erm, I was just wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing again? I just… I slept better last night than I have the whole time we’ve been here and-“  
“Gerard.” I whispered, cutting off his ramblings. “You’re always welcome to stay.” I smiled, mentally jumping for joy that he’d said what I was hoping for.  
He exhaled loudly, smiling back.  
“Thanks, Frankie.”

We reached my room and both got into bed, laying on our backs as the lights went out.  
“Goodnight Frankie.”  
“Goodnight Gee.”  
“Oh… And Frankie? Don’t stare at people when they’re sleeping…” He giggled as I felt myself flush deep red, glad the light was off. “It’s a little creepy.” He whispered, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek before turning over onto his side, facing away from me.

Yet again I had trouble sleeping, my cheek still tingling from the touch of his lips.


	6. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come for the killjoys to face BL/ind., in an attempt to save Jet's life. But, who's to say that the Dracs haven't already exterminated him? And how many lives have to be lost in the process of finding out?

The day came all too soon. I felt myself actually wishing for death if it all went wrong; I knew that there was no life for me without Gerard. He was my life. I vowed that no matter what happens today I would protect him and Mikey, and Ray as well once we found him. They all needed to carry on.

My ankle still hurt like fuck to stand on, but my ribs felt as good as new. It was going to be difficult fighting like this, but I had to be there.

As we got into our car, Gerard driving, Mikey shotgun, and me in the back, I thought back to how great the past week had been. Well, the week hadn't been great, nothing had been great since Ray had been taken, but the only time I've really been happy since then was when I woke up next to Gerard. And now we were all cruising at 100mph to what may basically be our suicide. We all knew that it was inevitable that some of us wouldn't make it home, and now was the time to show what we were made of.

No Dracs or Exterminators were on the road to apprehend us. Either our plan of leaving 2 days before the 6 week deadline worked in tricking them, or it was a trap and they needed us to make it to headquarters for it to work. I would bet on the second one.

We drove silently, occasionally throwing reassuring smiles at each other, as if a stretch of the lips, a hint of teeth, could save someone's life. If we were going to die, then it was going to happen. There was no stopping it.

As we drove I mulled over my decision to not tell Gerard my feelings unless we both made it back. If he was shocked, it could make him lose focus during the fight. And if he didn't feel the same for me, and I didn't want to admit it though I knew it was true, I'd probably step in front of an Exterminator's shot, because with that I may be able to save someone's life by giving my worthless one. Maybe it could even be Gerard I save... I shook my head, focussing back on the plan. I didn't need to think of what-ifs when I'd decided I wouldn't tell him.

When we finally reached zone 1, we kept to back streets, perfectly following the map Dr D had shown us every night to study. Our procession seemed to go unnoticed, as there was no alarm or ambush as we drove through the city. Mikey and I had our ray guns at the ready, but we only saw civilians. We would never shoot at anyone who wasn't a direct threat, anyone who wasn't trained specifically to kill us. A few of the people in the streets gaped at us, but none seemed to say a word. I could've sworn I saw one guy salute us... Maybe someone undercover?

As we stopped the car in a small road by the back entrance of HQ, Gerard turned to face Mikey and I.  
"Never let them take you alive. And... I love you both. Just in case it's so long and goodnight in there..." I put a hand on his shoulder, looking between him and Mikey.  
"I love you both, too." I whispered sadly.  
"I fucking love you both, and I love Ray so let's go kick some ass and get our friend back!" I couldn't help but smile a little at Mikey's way of gearing us up for the fight. We got out of the car and met the rest of the group.  
"Okay. Everyone remember what they're doing?" We all nodded. "Then let's get in there and fuck shit up!" Dr D continued, and we made our way to the door, guns at the ready.

Dr D broke down the door and we all swarmed in. We glanced around for a second, noticing that there were also no guards here, but there wasn’t time to process the thought or possible meanings behind it before we split off down the two separate corridors as planned. Dr D went off with his group, leaving Gerard to lead ours. Mikey flanked his right and Toxic Spark was on his left, Red Hurricane and Hollow Flame in tow, their hair shining red even in the dim light of the corridor. This left Venom Rose, Acid Rain and I at the back. I would have preferred to be at the front, in with all the action, but with my ankle they had decided to place me here.

Everyone was a sharp shooter, but combat and athletic abilities varied, which had all been taken into account when planning which group we would be in and which route we were to take. A lot of planning had been put into this attack, and I just prayed that we could find Jet before it was too late.

We stalked down the corridor which had a slight downward slope, informing us that Dr D had been right in knowing that these rooms were located underground. We didn’t break our ranks, and we kept an eye out for any signs of movement which weren’t our own. We got to the last corner of the corridor, stopping just before turning it, as we knew from the map that a few metres past the bend were the two small chambers our group needed to check for Jet. We also knew that there were bound to be guards at the doors.

Gerard turned to face us.  
“Ready?” He whispered and we nodded. He nodded back once and turned his head back around, lifting his hand and pointing it ahead sharply. That was our cue to round the corner, keeping in formation. Sure enough there was a whole group of guards by the door. There wasn’t time to count how many before the loud crash of gunfire ensued, and the blinding light of our ray guns illuminated the bleak corridor and we were forced to duck and weave through their shots. We had caught the Dracs off-guard, and at least six of them were down before they even realised what was going on and had begun to shoot back. We blasted through the rest simply enough, the air filled with cries and grunts as bodies littered the floor, the harsh scarlet of their blood splattering the grey bricked walls. The sight we had caused gave me a sickening jolt in my stomach. I would never get used to the bodies, the realisation that I could have caused such harm, destruction and death. I’d never wanted to be a killer. But now I had to shoot to survive, to keep my friends alive and hopefully find my family. I hated what I’d become.

We made our way into the room to the left, greeted by more Dracs. The walls must be soundproof, otherwise they would have reacted to the cries just outside the door, I thought errantly. We finally broke ranks, ducking and weaving behind the storage crates which littered the room. I couldn’t see Jet anywhere, but we had to get rid of all these Dracs before we could move to the next room. I heard a grunt from beside me and turned to see Toxic’s arm laced with blood. I stared with a gaping mouth for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he turned to me.  
“I’m okay, just keep shooting!” I nodded and did as he said. I could see Gerard over the other side of the room, his brow furrowed in concentration and he battled beside Mikey, both of them shooting down Dracs with impressive accuracy.

I had to leap onto the floor as a well-aimed shot was blasted my way. It grazed my jacket, burning a hole into the material to the right of my chest, but luckily not hitting the skin beneath. I let out a shaky breath, realising how close to being hit I had come, as I jumped back up and hit the Drac who had shot at me straight in the chest, watching as he keeled over onto the ground.

“Search the boxes!” Gerard shouted and I looked around to see that all of the Dracs were lying motionless on the concrete ground before opening all of the crates in sight. As soon as all of the crates had been looked in, and Jet Star had not been found in any, Gerard gave us the signal and we left to go into the next room.

Either no one had sent a signal of our attack, or the Dracs were planning an ambush for us all when we met back up with the other group, because there were none except for the remains of the dead that we had met a few minutes before cluttering the low ceiling corridor. We went into the second room and were once again thrown into a gun battle with an even larger gang on Dracs.

The room was showered with the blinding lights of laser fire, and the chokes, grunts and squeals of the dead and injured were all that could be heard. Again the room was littered with crates, and I began to wonder if Dr D had gotten it wrong. Why were we searching for Jet in their storage cupboard? On the other hand, why would they have so many guards if it were only a storage cupboard?

A yell and a scream took me away from my thoughts, and I turned towards the noise to find Hollow Flame sprawled on the floor, blood spilling from her chest, the darker liquid mixing with the vivid red of her hair. Her eyes were wide open, but unseeing. She was motionless, and I heard a sharp intake of breath from around the room as we realised she was gone. Dead. Killed. Murdered.

A sharp pain made me look away from her body, and I remembered that there was still a battle to fight. My breath hitched as I saw blood oozing from my arm - but it wasn’t a fatal wound, and I needed to keep fighting. Everyone else had gone back to shooting, although I noticed that they would occasionally throw quick glances at Hollow lying on the floor. It made it all seem so real. We all knew that some wouldn’t survive, but the realisation of the truth of that knowledge seemed overwhelming. 

Instead of this scaring me, it just made me angry. How could they kill her? Her husband… And her son. They were in the other group, they would have no idea that she was gone. I wondered who would tell them the news as I ducked out of the way of a Drac’s shot. I wondered if they’d said a proper goodbye… It wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve death.

Anger washed over me again and I allowed adrenaline to take over. The pain in my arm disappeared and I seemed to shoot quicker than before as it coursed through my veins, knocking down Dracs like bowling pins. The deafening crash of each separate gunshot seemed to fuse together into one resounding thunder-like bang as we all shot out at the enemy who had killed our ally, our friend.

Again, it was soon over, and we all rushed towards Hollow’s body. Venom Rose checked her vital signs and officially declared her as deceased. Venom delicately closed her eyes so she looked as though she could have been sleeping, if the blood and the lack of movement from breathing weren’t signs.  
“We… We need to check the crates.” Gerard said, reminding us all of our mission, but with less resolve than before. We nodded solemnly and began our search as we had in the previous room. I searched through 5 large crates and found absolutely nothing. I sighed, hoping the others had found Jet in the other room.

“I’ve got him!” I heard Mikey yell happily, and I gasped running over to where he was standing. Sure enough, Jet was curled up in the crate we were standing over, gagged with his hands and feet tied together. I leaned down and released the gag from his mouth as Mikey took out his penknife and released Jet completely.

“Fuck. Thank you.” Jet gasped as we got him out. Mikey pulled him into a hug, followed by Gerard and me. A huge wave of relief crashed over me, relief that our mission hadn’t been worthless, and most of all that my stupid, stupid mistake hadn’t cost the life of one of my best friends.

“Hate to break up this reunion, but we’ve gotta run!” Toxic urged, pulling me from my thoughts. We let go of Jet.  
“Are you hurt? Can you walk?” Gerard asked Jet.  
“A bit but I think I can.” He replied, tentatively taking a few steps forward. He didn’t seem to be in much pain from the movement, but I noticed he had a slight limp. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Let’s go.”  
“Alright. Come on.” Mikey handed Jet a ray gun and Gerard hauled Hollow’s body over his shoulder. It wouldn’t be right to leave her; she deserved a proper goodbye.

We rushed back out, this time Gerard not in lead as he was slower under the extra weight. Toxic and Venom loudly whistled out the signal we had agreed upon to say that someone had found Jet and that we all needed to get out. As a group we ascended the sloped corridor towards the entry door, and thankfully found the other group waiting where the corridors joined into one. I noticed that Neon Laser and Neutron Rocket were also carrying bodies, but there wasn’t enough time to work out exactly who the bodies belonged to, because as soon as we ran for the door we saw the enormous ambush waiting by our vehicles.

There must have been at least 50 of them, and although we had found Jet, we had lost 3 of our group, and we would have been hugely outnumbered in the first place. We dashed into action, trying to follow Dr D’s plan of just trying to get out rather than trying to kill all of the Dracs. If we could get everyone in the cars we could get out of here and hopefully back to zone 6 without being followed.

The brightness of the sun made it a lot easier to focus than the artificial lights inside the building, and we seemed to be making good progress. All of our – well not really mine, but everyone else’s – training seemed to have given us better agility, and we were able to dodge most of the shots fired. A few grazed past us, hitting clothes and damaging the top couple of layers of skin, but not harming us enough to even slow us down. The Dracs on the other hand were dropping like flies. I made sure to cover Gerard, especially as he was greatly hindered because he was carrying Hollow.

We had killed the majority of the Dracs, but it looked as though they were calling for back up, because a few of the ones remaining were talking into devices on their wrists as they fired. We began to hedge our way towards the vehicles as a group, Dr D sometimes shouting directions at us. We were just a few feet away from our cars when Neutron buckled in front of me and fell to the ground, dropping the body he was holding in the process. Mikey and I quickly grabbed both of them, because we needed to get to the cars, and fast. Neutron was still alive, so I tried to hold him as carefully as I could, mumbling to him that he’d be okay. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off, and Neutron was a little heavy for my small frame, but I had to go on.

“Get in, get in!” Dr D yelled as we were a couple of feet from the cars, and we all made a dash for it. I yelled for Venom to get into our car as she could try to see to Neutron, and Mikey and Ray dashed to the car behind. I heard a yell from somewhere outside as I lay Neutron on mine and Venom’s laps in the backseat, with Gerard in the driver’s seat, but when I turned to look, everyone was in a car.

“Go! Everyone’s in a car!” I told Gerard and he sped forwards. My heart was struggling between the joy that Gerard, and also Mikey and Ray, were safe, and the heart breaking sorrow for everyone who had lost their lives. 

I craned my neck, watching all of the other cars follow, and the Dracs try to shoot at our cars, as Venom took off her jacket to hold against Neutron’s wound. He had been hit in the lower chest, which seemed to be spouting profusely with blood. His eyes looked almost vacant, but he was still breathing. I took his hand in mine, trying to give him some sort of reassurance that he could make it. He could, couldn’t he? I looked up at Venom hopefully, but she shook her head at me ever so slightly. I gripped Neutron’s hand tighter, hoping he wasn’t in too much pain.

The car was silent other than the soft words Venom and I spoke to Neutron as he lay dying in our arms. Although she was a doctor she had nowhere near enough medical equipment to treat his wound, and I could see the pain etched onto her features from knowing that her skills were basically of no use.

After an hour or so, Neutron’s slow breathing hitched and stopped completely, and I felt tears in my eyes as I realised he had passed. I had only known him a few weeks, and I hadn’t known him well, but he seemed like such a genuinely nice guy - and to see someone die in my arms that way was just too much. Venom noticed my distress, and took Neutron’s body from my lap, telling me to climb into the front seat for the rest of the journey, saying that everything would be okay. I tried to open my mouth to thank her, but no words seemed to want to come out, so I gave her a kiss on the cheek and awkwardly climbed into the front seat.


	7. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Killjoys have returned from their attack on zone 1. With Ray safely back in the group, and many Killjoys surviving what was essentially a suicide mission; what will happen next?

It was with weary steps that I dragged myself out of the car. The sombre mood which hung over all of our heads threatened to crush us at any moment. I could see a mixture of emotions etched into each and every face; pain, sorrow, hatred, guilt and fear all mingled in together with the relief of being alive, the shock of somehow making it back in one piece when we were so hugely outnumbered.

I noticed that 5 bodies had been pulled out of cars, and in the shock and confusion of the escape, mourners were only just discovering who had been dealt the fatal blows. Injuries were forgotten as the living silently overlooked the dead, intermittent sobs escaping their lips. The wave of despair cut deeper into our souls as the harsh cries of Rapid Fire and River Dragon filled the evening air. Hollow Flame had been Rapid’s wife, River’s mother… And we had allowed for her to die.

Guilt penetrated my very being as I wondered whether I could have saved her. I should have done better; I should have stopped anyone from being killed. When we had found Ray I thought that maybe I could begin to forgive myself for leaving the radio on that day and allowing them to track us. But I hadn’t just caused initial injuries of the attack where Ray had been kidnapped, or anything that happened to Ray afterwards, I had also caused the deaths of 5 friends and multiple injuries of others. And for that I could never be forgiven, especially not by myself.

I jumped slightly when I felt a hand on my shoulder, having been deep in self-loathing thought. I turned around slightly to see Gerard giving me a sad yet reassuring smile. Ray and Mikey had come and stood next to us, and for a moment I was overcome with relief at having Ray finally back by our sides.

The silence was deafening after the hail of gunfire we’d escaped from, yet it seemed that nobody wanted to be the first to usher a word. I’m not sure how long the remaining twelve of us stood there, just looking at the bodies with a mixture of emotions washing through us, but we had hardly moved by the time the sun had begun to rise in the sky the next morning. It was starting to become uncomfortable standing there, especially due to my ankle, but Gerard was still standing close by with his hand rested on my shoulder, and I knew I needed him with me right now. It seemed that all injuries had been left forgotten as we embraced the sorrow of the consequence of our ambush.

It was Rapid Fire who started it. We all watched numbly as he walked over to the old caretaker’s shed, walking out with a shovel in hand. Dragging his feet behind him, we stared on as he made his way to where the children’s playground had once been, and began to dig.

It only took a couple of seconds for us to realise what he was doing, and we all marched in a slow procession towards the shed, pulling out anything and everything which could be used to dig, and working alongside him. Silent tears still cascaded down the cheeks of everyone whose face I glanced at. They were probably sliding down my cheeks, too, but I no longer noticed. Again Gerard stayed by my side, but I was too lost in thought, too numb to acknowledge his presence. As I dug I thought about how it could have been, what would have happened if I had died? If Gerard had? Or Mikey? What if we hadn’t found Ray, would we have stayed in the building for too long searching and all ended up dead? What if no one had died? And most of all, I wondered what everything would have been like if I had never made the mistake of leaving the radio on.  
None of us would have been injured on the way to meet the others; Ray obviously would never have been captured. And we wouldn’t have attacked yet. We would probably still be training right now, and no one would have yet known the sorrow of fallen comrades.

Everything seemed so surreal. I knew I was standing there, but I felt as though I were miles away, still back in the fight at BL/ind. headquarters. My ears were still ringing from the noise, which reminded me of the feeling I used to get after I had been to a concert in my previous life. A life which seemed almost fictitious at this point; how could I be sure that it hadn’t been an over exaggerated hallucination, and that this daily battle for survival wasn’t the only life I’d ever lived?

In my dreamlike state I contemplated whether I had in fact repressed all memories of the first decades of my life and contrived a fantasy life in which I was in a band with my best friends. Music had always been my dream, and was one of the first things to be banned by BL/ind… So that dream would never have been able to come true with Korse in charge… Fuck. I think I was going crazy. Or maybe I always had been, and this situation just fucked with my mind even more. Did everyone else know I was crazy?!

\---

We dug in near silence until a pit at least two-feet deep stood before us, wide enough to comfortably fit all of the fallen. The least injured of the group, which I was glad to see included both Gerard and Mikey, carried the dead to their final resting place. We neither had the time nor the equipment to construct coffins, so the bodies were just laid carefully onto the floor. 

“Here we lay to rest the souls of five noble soldiers and loyal friends. Each had a great many gifts to give to the world, and it is with deepest regrets that we must say our goodbyes to them… But they will not be gone. And they will never be forgotten. I am sure you will all agree when I say that we will continue our fight, continue to strive for the goodness of the world just as they did, and they will not have left us in vain.” Dr D’s voice rung loud as he broke the silence. Always having been the leader, it seemed right for him to have the first words. I felt Gerard take my hand in his as Dr D continued speaking.  
“I’m sorry that we couldn’t save you. Red Hurricane, Hollow Flame, Silver Bullet, Spyder Fang and Neutron Rocket; we will always miss you.” Everyone nodded in agreement, and there was a minutes silence following his words.

Dr D asked if anyone else would like to say a few words, and many others did, although Rapid Fire and River Dragon could not finish their speeches due to their sobbing. Mikey, Gerard and I didn’t know any of them as well as the others, but it didn’t feel right not to say anything. We each thanked them and said our goodbyes. Ray hadn’t known them at all, but he thanked them all for risking their lives for his, and told them he was sorry. That set me off crying again, because I knew he shouldn’t be apologising. I was the one who had gotten everyone into this situation, yet Ray was acting as though it was his fault that he was kidnapped. Gerard squeezed my hand tighter, as he must have known what I was thinking, and I guessed he wanted to show me that he didn’t blame me for any of this. Even though it was all my fault.

When everyone had finished speaking we began to fill the grave. It was only half filled when Venom Rose took those with the worst injuries into the school. I guess she hadn’t wanted to take away their chance to say goodbye, but their wounds could no longer be overlooked. By this point my ankle was throbbing from standing on it all day, and Gerard must have noticed my discomfort because he whispered something into Mikey’s ear before putting an arm around me and leading me inside the school to my room.

My bed had been taken from the room, probably being used by Venom Rose. Others were a lot more injured than I was at this point, and they needed it more. Gerard sat me down on the floor on top of a few blankets which had been laid out as my new bed, and told me to wait before he left the room. Before I had time to wonder where he had gotten to he was walking back in holding some bandages.  
“Take your jacket off.” He ordered, and I complied, wincing as the rough inside of the fabric stroked the torn skin underneath. He sucked in breath slowly as he surveyed the wound the Drac’s guns had left.  
“Yep, Venom’s gonna want to take a look at this tomorrow…” He sighed. It didn’t look too bad... Sure it was a little bloody, but I could move my arm fine, and I’d gotten used to worse pain. “But for now it’ll be okay with a bandage.” He added as he began to wrap the material around my arm.

“Thanks.” I mumbled hoarsely, my throat dry from not having spoken for the past 24 hours. My mind was still buzzing with unanswered questions and ‘what-ifs’, but nothing would fit into the words I wanted to, and my mouth refused to utter any of my deepest thoughts.

When he was finished with my arm, he took off his jeans in order to bandage a wound on his leg. It wasn’t as bad as mine, and must not have hurt too much because I hadn’t noticed him limping at all, but it was better to be safe. I laid myself down on the blankets, eyes open and staring at the ceiling. I wondered if Gerard would stay with me tonight like he had every night leading up to our attack - God knows I needed him - but I knew I didn’t deserve him.

I could feel his gaze on me for a while before he lay down beside me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered after a few minutes of silence, turning to face him.  
“Sorry? What for?” He asked, looking confused.  
“For everything. To everyone. I mean… it’s my fault they’re dead. I-I killed them.” Tears began to roll down my cheeks once again – how did I have any left? – as I spoke almost inaudibly. “I can’t believe I was so stupid… And now good people are gone, and I’m still here. Still fucking everything up.” I rolled over so I didn’t have to face him anymore. I couldn’t deal with the look of pity clouding his eyes.

“Frankie…” He tried to pull me around to face him. “Frankie, please… Look at me.” I stayed facing the other wall. He sighed, and I heard him moving before his beautiful face appeared in front of mine, his hands cupping both of my cheeks in order to stop me from moving away from him again.  
“Frankie… This wasn’t your fault.” He whispered gently; but I knew it was a lie. How could it not have been my fault?  
“Gee. Of course it was. I led them straight to us. I led them to us and that got Jet captured. And then we had to attack way before we were ready. If it wasn’t for me, everyone would be alive, and not hurt, and they’d all be training for a better attack in the future. I should be the one out there, buried. I don’t deserve to live after everything I’ve fucked up.” It all came spilling out; I needed for him to know how I felt. Part of me wanted him to blame me, to shout and scream and tell me how much of a failure I had been. I wanted him to hate me for what I’d done. But the other part of me craved his love. I needed him. I couldn’t live without him.

I was trapped between the struggle of the two conflicting emotions, torn so deeply between the need for affection and the knowledge that his sympathy is undeserved that the pain was tangible.

His hands fell from my face and his mouth dropped open at my outburst, and I could feel my heart thudding erratically in anticipation of his response, each perturbed beat pounding against my chest, trying to break free. I wasn’t sure what I was hoping for.

“Frank Anthony Iero. Don’t you **ever** say you don’t deserve to live.” He whispered frantically. “What happened was an accident. We got Jet back, and you know as well as I do that even if we were attacking on our own terms, not everyone would have survived…”  
“I-I guess you’re right… But…” I wanted to argue, but I had to admit there was no hole in his logic. He was right… Jet was now safe and alive, and no matter when we attack there will always be casualties. Yet I still couldn’t shift the guilt from my mind. I still couldn’t undo the confusion I felt. Without my mistake Ray would never have been captured; but maybe they would have been patrolling the borders anyway? They may still have ambushed us. It was a big if, but it was plausible. We always knew they were looking for us and we had strayed from our comfort zone when we’d gone to look for supplies.  
“But nothing.” He whispered softly, lying back down next to me. I didn’t reply, mostly because I couldn’t think of an argument back even though I was sure he couldn’t be right. How could I have caused so much damage and not be blamed for any of it? It didn’t make any sense.

In the hours that passed, neither of us fell asleep. I didn’t turn to face him, but after spending the night with him for the past few weeks I could tell just by hearing his breathing that he was far from sleeping. The soft rhythm of his deep breaths almost seemed like a distant memory considering the circumstances, and I wished he would fall asleep, just for that comfort.

The others came back in from outside, yet nobody came to our door to check on us. They were just as silent as Gerard and I, but we were close to the main door so we knew they had entered. I wondered if we were all supposed to go and have dinner, just go back to how it was before the attack, or if the others were just making their way to their rooms as we had. I couldn’t stop thinking about how things used to be, before the attack, and all the running, before BL/ind. Before all of this. Back when it was just me and my best friends, taking on the world in the only way I knew how. Trying to stop all of the violence and pain this harsh world could throw out, rather than being the one to cause it.

My memory of that time felt hazy. I could remember the melodies of some of our songs, but the lyrics escaped me. I couldn’t remember what my favourite guitar looked like. Some artwork flashed in my mind, but I had no way of placing which album they were from, or if they were even our band’s. I tried to recall the feeling I got whenever the lights hit me on stage, but I hit a blank. I couldn’t remember whether I was excited, or nervous, or maybe even fearful as I played in front of those huge crowds. I guessed it would be a mixture of the three, but it was disconcerting that I didn’t know for sure. After all, that had been my life for years, hadn’t it?

It threw me further when I could remember every element about certain things, and absolutely nothing about other things. I could picture my wife and children down to the very last detail; I could even recall silly things, such as their favourite breakfast cereal, and which character Cherry and Lily were for their first Halloween. I knew they were real; but if I didn’t remember other things as well as I could remember them, did it mean that those things had never existed in the first place?

“I don’t know what’s real anymore.” I admitted in a whisper, knowing Gerard was still awake to hear me.  
“What do you mean?” He asked curiously, turning onto his side to face me. I followed his actions and turned myself around, glad that he was now on my other side so I didn’t have to lie on my wounded arm.  
“Just… I had memories of all these things, of a life before all of this. But now it’s slipping, and I don’t know if it was ever real, or if I just imagined it. I guess today has made me realise how crazy I am… I can’t even remember my own life.” His face was inches from mine, his eyebrows knotted together in a way I could only describe as cute. But I tried not to describe him as that, even internally, because now was not the time to be thinking about how much I wanted him to be mine.  
“You’re not crazy, Frank. What do you remember?” His tone sounded almost amused, which aggravated me a little. I was questioning everything I had experienced in my whole life, and he just thought it was funny. I went along with it, anyway, because I knew he could give me an answer. If he remembered the band, too, then it must have been real. I’d just have to work on the rest.  
“Us. You, me, Mikey, Ray; all of us in a band.” He was silent for a few moments.  
“Frank… Of course that was real! Why else would we all be here together? Best friends?”  
“I don’t know. I was just thinking about it today, and I can’t remember everything. I thought I’d created it in some sort of dream land. It just didn’t make any sense.” I muttered, beginning to wish that I hadn’t told him anything, because the way he was saying everything in an amused, and slightly sarcastic, tone was starting to piss me off.

I started to turn away from him when he spoke again, honesty laced into every word, and all the anger just disappeared.  
“I feel that way too, sometimes. But in my mind I know it’s real, because if this was all I’d lived, then how could I miss my family so much? It makes me so grateful for you guys, y’know, you’re like my family. I mean, obviously Mikey is my brother, but you and Ray are basically my family, too. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” A flood of emotions struck me at his words. Happiness, sympathy, guilt, for feeling so angry at him before, and a whole host of others I couldn’t even begin to explain.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you either.” I whispered, looking back at him.

Our eyes found each other’s, and although I felt myself blush, and I noticed Gerard’s cheeks darken, neither of us looked away. I gazed into his hazel orbs, noticing the pain etched into them. Pain from what he had seen, and what he no doubtedly would see as we carried on our attacks. Pain from missing his family, and having no idea what had happened to them since he saw them last. I wanted more than anything to take all of the pain away, to leave him as the innocence and naïve, yet happy, child he once was. But that would be impossible.

I could feel his warm breath on my face, and I realised how close we were. I could so easily just lean in and kiss him. But how would he respond? He called me his family, and family members don’t go around kissing and declaring their love for one another. Well, family do tell each other they love each other, but not that they’re _in_ love with each other. And what about our wives? How could he have any feelings for me when he missed Lindsey so much? I felt a tug in my chest thinking about Jamia. Yes, I still loved her and missed her so much it felt physically painful at times, but I had to admit that there had always been a place in my heart for Gerard that no one else would ever be able to fill. God, I was an _asshole_. But I couldn’t help it. I didn’t ask to have these feelings, but I couldn’t just snap out of loving someone.

Suddenly the light clicked out, and I let out a shaky laugh. I could barely see Gerard’s face in the dim moonlight seeping in through the window, but I was sure I caught him blush.  
“I guess it’s time to go to sleep, baby. Night.” He whispered, pulling a blanket over both of us.  
“Goodnight.” I whispered and turned over onto my back. His breathing slowed and deepened after just a couple of minutes, and the familiar rhythm I had craved earlier helped me get to sleep.  
It was only as I was drifting off that a thought popped into my mind. Did he just call me ‘baby’?


	8. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The status of every Killjoy in the group, as well as their friends and families, are threatened with the exposure of _The List._  
>  Will the gang finally find out if their family are alive and safe?

The next morning I woke up on an empty bed (well, floor), and got up quickly to look for Gerard. I was still limping, and my arm seemed to have been bleeding through the night, so I was glad when I saw him just across the hall with Venom Rose.

"Hey," He gave me a small smile when he saw me, "How're you feeling?"   
"Can't complain." I muttered. "How are you?"   
"I'm fine. Venom sorted my leg better than I did."  
"Which wasn't difficult." She added with a laugh. I didn't understand how they could be smiling and laughing after what had happened. Okay so it wasn't their usual grins, but still, I felt guilty when I even thought about smiling and being happy. Although maybe that was just because I blamed myself...   
"Do you want me to take a look at your arm?" Venom asked, pulling me away from my thoughts. I nodded mutely and followed her into the nurse's station, Gerard in tow.

It didn't take long for her to re-bandage my injury, and I thanked her gratefully before leaving her to go and deal with other Killjoy's injuries. I walked, still with a noticeable limp, towards the main hall, which served as a sort of lounge for everyone. I hoped Ray and Mikey would be there, I needed to make sure they were okay. I knew they hadn't been badly hurt, but for my own sanity I needed to see them again with my own eyes.

"Frankie." Gerard mumbled from behind me, "Where are you going?"   
"I'm not gonna sit in my room all day. I need to see Ray and Mikey."   
"...They won't be in the main hall." Gerard replied with a little hesitation, obviously noticing where I was heading. "Ray needs to lie down and take it easy for a while so he can get better. They'll be in Mikes' room." I choked on my breath and slowly turned around to face Gee.

"But... I thought he was okay? What's wrong with him? Is he going to be fine? Oh God. What have I done?!" I covered my face with my hands, feeling completely stupid and helpless. I do one moronic thing and there is the longest chain of repercussions I've ever known. My breathing picked up and I began to almost claw at my face; I needed to confess. I couldn't keep all of this from Ray and Mikey. I had no idea how Gee had managed to keep it from his brother for all this time.

I felt hands covering my own, gently, yet somehow forcefully, prying them away from my face, and Gee spoke in a soothing voice.   
"It's okay, it's okay. It's just a sprain. A day or two before we got him he fell over and managed to pull a muscle in his neck. It's not serious, and he just needs to rest. Just, please. Please try to stay calm. Everything will be okay." He cooed, pulling me close. His soft, sweet scent clouded my senses, making me forget for a moment about confessing, but it didn't last.

"I need to tell them, Gee. They deserve to know. They'll hate me, like you should. But they need to know it was me." I whispered into his shoulder as he held onto me. He let me go too soon, holding me at arm's length to look into my eyes as he spoke.   
"Are you sure?" He asked with a concerned tone. I bit my lip and nodded in reply. I was nervous, but it needed to be done, and the longer I left it, the worse it would be.   
"Okay then. We'll go and talk to them, and I'm sure it will go better than you think." He reassured me as we began to walk in the other direction towards Mikey's room. I just nodded again in reply, too absorbed in my thoughts to argue with his theory.

He chatted to me all the way, which took longer than it usually would on account of my leg, about how everything would be okay; but it didn't help my nerves at all. I just needed to get it over with.

We entered the room and were instantly greeted by Mikey's smiling face bounding up to us and grabbing both Gee and I into a vice-like grip of a hug. We hugged back with similar ferocity before transferring our attention to our puffy-haired friend lying on the bed in the corner of the room, both of us giving him awkward hugs, trying not to move him and irritate his injuries. Venom had made a sort of brace for his neck, and his left shoulder was bandaged, but he was smiling as though he wasn't hurt at all which was a good sign.

"You don't know how good it is to see you guys again." He told us, causing a quiver in my stomach.  
We chatted mindlessly for a while, avoiding the elephant in the room as no one made any effort to discuss what had happened to Ray after he had been taken. I suspected Ray and Mikey had already spoken about it last night before going to sleep; difficult things always seemed easier to talk about when you were surrounded by darkness. 

I caught Gee's eye and I knew it was time. I sighed quietly, wondering how to bring the topic up.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Ray. It means I don't have to feel so... guilty." Ray and Mikey's faces were masked with confusion, which slowly clouded into shock.   
"I-I didn't do anything on purpose!" I spluttered as I saw Mikey's face contort in anger, only then realising that my first statement seemed to sound like some sort of confession as being a double agent.

"What are you talking about?" Ray asked in confusion, obviously not jumping to conclusions as Mikey had.   
"Frank did something stupid accidentally and it's been completely eating him up ever since. He's been trying to put it all right; I caught him trying to sneak out to rescue you all by himself even though he knew he wouldn't have survived." Gerard cut in, evidently trying to make sure they would be sympathetic.  
"Gee, don't. I deserve for them to hate me." I whispered.   
"Hate you for what? Could someone please just tell me what the fuck is going on! Frank, what did you do?!" Mikey asked, agitated that we were taking forever to get to the point.

"Okay." I answered, my gaze flitting between Mikey and Ray.   
"Do you remember when Ray and I went out for supplies and got lost? And you had to come and find us in the car?" I asked, receiving a nod from both.   
"Well... When you got us we talked about the riddle again, saying about there being thirteen Killjoys and that the first line must mean zone six... I kind of... I'm so sorry." I took a deep breath before confessing, tears welling up and beginning to spill from my eyes.  
"I left the radio on by mistake and someone must have been listening. That's how they knew where we were and put a patrol on the border. That's why we were attacked and why you were taken, Ray. I am so so sorry."

For over a minute we all just sat there as I tried to read their facial expressions. They both looked as though they were in a state of utter shock, and I couldn't tell if they were angry or not. I decided it would probably be best for me to leave and give them time to think things over.   
"Okay so... I'm gonna go and let you think this all through. Just let me say that I am beyond sorry, and I know I deserve nothing but bad things... And if you hate me," Tears welled once more in my eyes and my voice broke, “Then it's okay... I understand and I deserve it."

I stood up to make my exit from the room, hearing Gee whisper my name but ignoring him, knowing I would only make things worse by staying. Unfortunately, fate had other ideas, and I was only halfway through the door when Acid Rain came running in, knocking me out of the way in the process.

"Oh, God, sorry Ghoul! Are you okay? Are you... Are you crying? Oh I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you!" She gushed, speaking in the overly-fast way many teenagers do and holding her hand out to help me steady myself.   
"No, no it's fine... It's something else... I was just leaving, so, see you I guess." I told her vaguely, heading for the door once more.

"Wait! I'm glad you're here. Ghoul, Kobra, Poison, there's a meeting in the main hall in ten minutes. It's important, and can you guys bring Jet with you?" She asked. 

"Yeah, sure." Gee answered for us all, as I think Mikey and Ray were still in shock, and with the tears which had begun to spill down my face I didn't exactly look set to carry on with the conversation.

Acid Rain nodded, threw me an apologetic glance and headed back out of the door. Silence engulfed the room once more, and it was most definitely awkward. Neither Mikey nor Ray had commented on my confession, and it was driving me crazy wondering what they were thinking, but at the same time I couldn't ask what was going on in their heads.   
Again Gerard was the one to break the silence, telling us we had better get to the main hall because we didn't want to miss the beginning of the meeting.

\--

It took a little while for everyone to settle down before Dr D officially began the meeting. It was obvious that our group was smaller in size, and as I waited for the meeting to begin I observed people's reactions to this. I found it quite interesting to watch; it would have been more of an interest if I were able to ignore the guilt that I had been the cause which led the events these reactions were based upon. 

For example, Acid Rain and Venom Rose seemed to have become closer because of it. Not only with each other, although they were sitting closer together than they usually would before, but with everyone else too. Rapid Fire and River Dragon, on the other hand, were sitting as far away from the rest of the group as possible. In all honesty I was surprised they were still here after losing Rapid's mother and not even being with her in her final moments. They hadn't said it, but I was sure they blamed everyone in our group, the group she was in during the attack, for her death. Neon Laser had taken to holding onto his wife, Cosmic Shadow, in some way wherever they went. At this point he was softly holding onto her arm with one of his hands. Cosmic Shadow seemed to be acting as she normally would have been, except there was a look in her eyes which made it obvious that everything had changed.

When Dr D started speaking I finally drew my eyes away from everyone else and tried to pay attention to what he was saying.

"Half of you already know about this list, but the rest of you in the other group will be unaware of its existence." He told us.  
"Those of us that have seen it only know what it is a list of... I haven't even read it yet, I thought it would be best for everyone to see at once." He paused, the room still in silence, to show us a large wad of papers.  
"This, my friends, is a list of known Killjoys and their accomplices, and also any known whereabouts of either, compiled by Better Living Industries. I think it's best if we go through it in it's entirety as a group, but if anyone doesn't want to see it then you're free to leave." He looked around the room, but no one moved an inch. My heartbeat was racing; would any of our families be on there? I knew Gerard, Mikey, Ray and I would be there as they'd been trying to get us for a while now, but how much did they know about us before we started running?

"Okay then." Dr D continued after giving us a few moments to make our decision. "I must warn you all though that this list has all of our real names as well as our aliases, so after this day we will know who the others truly are. This would pose a problem if I didn't have complete trust in you all. After we all fought as one to save Jet, and there were no signs that anyone had let on about our attack, I know in my heart you are all true killjoys. Although I do think we should continue to use our aliases, because Korse may know who we truly are, but I suspect very few Dracs will." A few Killjoys, ones who had been in the other group and already knew of the list, nodded. The rest of us were still taking in the shock.

We all waited with baited breath as he began to read aloud from the papers in his hands.  
The first few names he read were of known exterminated killjoys, none of which we had met.

"Steven Montano, alias 'Dr Death Defying'. Location: Suspected Zone 6. Status: Alive." Dr D read, identifying himself as the first Killjoy in our group to be known.  
"Gerard Arthur Way, alias 'Party Poison'. Location: Zone 6. Status: Alive."  
"Raymond Manuel Toro-Ortiz, alias 'Jet Star'. Location: BL/ind. Headquarters. Status: Alive." Dr D continued.  
"They must have updated these after they attacked us..." Gee whispered to me, Ray and Mikey.

All of the Killjoys in our small group, as well as the Killjoys who had died during our attack, were identified in the list. There were many uncertainties as they could only be sure of the location and status of those they had run into or heard on the radio. It was more than a little disconcerting to know that they had information about all of us, but that wasn’t the part which was bothering me. What was worrying me the most was whether anyone I knew would be a suspected accomplice, and what the status of those accomplices would be.

“That seems to be the last of the Killjoys.” Dr D announced before beginning to read the remaining sheets. I wanted more than anything to know that my family were safe, however if they were on this list, even if they were alive, I was sure they would not be safe for long.

I heard Toxic Spark heave a sigh of relief as a suspected accomplice was said to be alive, and I wondered if the rest of us would be so lucky. I looked over towards the Ray, Mikey and Gee, catching only Gee’s eye as the others tried to avoid my gaze. He looked just as worried as I did, and it gave him an almost half-crazed look. We edged ever-so-slightly closer, keeping eye contact, knowing that the only person who could comfort us was the other.

“Jamia Iero, wife of known Killjoy Frank Anthony Iero. Status: Exterminated.”  
My heart stopped in its tracks before stammering at an alarming rate. It must be wrong. It must be wrong. It must be wrong. There was such a strong physical _pain_ in my chest, it felt as though my heart and probably all my other organs had been ripped, _shredded,_ out of my chest, leaving only a gaping hole. I could feel my blood pulsing through my body, yet at the same time it felt like it was standing still.  
I think I fell off my chair and onto my knees, but I wasn’t conscious enough to know. I was only vaguely aware of Dr D continuing to read from the list, not fully aware of my surroundings until I heard the crash of Gee falling to the floor beside me following the words ‘Lindsey Way’ and ‘Exterminated’ read from the same paper.

The pain in my chest subsided into a shallow numbness for a moment as I leaned over to clutch Gerard, tears silently and endlessly cascading down our cheeks. It all seemed so surreal. We’d been running for so long, escaping death twice just in the past few months, all under the false hope that our families would be waiting somewhere for us as soon as this was all over. And now those hopes were gone. I prayed that our children would still be out there, somewhere. Somewhere we could find them when this ended, if this whole mess ever ended… Maybe we could get them when they were old enough to join us. We left them behind so that they could be safe, and now they had no parents around… How could we have been so stupid, so wrong?

I knew something was wrong when Dr D stopped speaking. All through our turmoil he had continued, only pausing slightly as Mikey got up to try and comfort us, leaving Ray alone in his bed to the side. I glanced up to see Dr D watching us, his eyes glancing between our faces and the unread paper in front of him as he gulped audibly. My breathing stopped completely as he began to speak, his voice faltering as he read from the paper.  
“Cherry, Lily and Miles Iero, children of Jamia Iero and Frank Anthony Iero; and Bandit Lee Way, daughter of Lindsey Way and Gerard Arthur Way. Enrolment: Conditioning Program B. Location: Maximum security. Progress: Inadequate, extermination imminent.”

That’s when I lost it.

Anger bubbled through me, filling every cell of my body. _Children. How could they kill children? What sort of **monsters** were we up against?_

I shot up, knocking over the chair I had previously been sitting on, and half-ran half-hobbled out of the room before anyone realised what was going on. Once out the front of the building I let out a scream, pounding my fists onto the wall.

Fury and frustration mingled in with the adrenaline now coursing through my veins, clouding over my vision and disengaging my mind from my body. My feet were kicking up the dirt below my, my mouth expelling what seemed to be a scream mixed with a sob, fists pounding again and again at the wall as though they weren't already bloody. My mind, however, was planning. How could I find our children before anything happened to them? How long ago was the list written, and how long was 'imminent'? Why were they in a maximum security location? They were just children!

What would I do if they were already... No, I couldn't even think of the word.

I bawled loudly, grabbing a wooden board which had fallen from the decaying shed beside the school, and whacking everything in sight with it. I couldn’t control myself, I couldn’t calm myself down. I just wanted to smash everything. I wanted to cause pain, inflict the pain I was suffering on those who had decided the fate of my family. They had no right.

Fuck. Fuck fuck _fuck._ My _children._ My fucking _**children.**_ They had them and they were going to hurt them, if they hadn’t already, and what was I here doing? Hitting random objects in anger? What sort of father was I? I should be there, protecting them. I’m pathetic. Utterly fucking pathetic.

I dropped the wooden board and ran my fingers through my hair, breathing heavily. The adrenaline seemed to have worn off, and the pain which had previously been subsided attacked at full pelt. I winced and staggered due to my ankle, and I could feel the warm wetness of blood seeping down my arms. I let out one more choked sob before falling forwards, whacking my head painfully on the wall of the school as I fainted from a mix of blood loss and exhaustion.


End file.
